then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize