Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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