He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
