i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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