Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
