The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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