just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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