my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
