So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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