I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
