Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She is in my trunk
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize