At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
