You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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