so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
