god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
