Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have fence marks all over my body
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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