Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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