your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
