bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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