Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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