yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
