My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
