Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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