Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize