I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize