JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
