you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
