when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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