He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
