He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize