using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
