thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
