I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need a beard to bite.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
