Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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