tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
