Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
