What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
