did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
