The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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