when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
