I'm going to jail i love you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
