dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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