He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
