My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
