i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
