Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
