are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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