My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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