I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
