You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
