put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
