She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize