tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love you.
Bad choice
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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