I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
