Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
