remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
