Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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