I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
