She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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