Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
