I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
