I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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