p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
