help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize