I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
