Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
