I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
