dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize